The first picture of Kia when we got her
Kia “Lil’ Girl” Beaulieu, 9, passed away January 13, 2014 after a long battle with cancer. She came to us in 2008 as a rescue from Tennessee. She had endured a hard life having just delivered a litter of puppies and being spayed and then traveling to Connecticut with the help of American Lab Rescue. Kia slept for the first week in our lives and then quickly acclimated to her new found forever home. Below is a letter I wrote to Kia.
My Dearest Kia, My Lil' Girl,
It has been just over 27 hours since I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to keep you with me forever. It hurt watching you walk around and favor 1 foot, as well as not be able to poop. My Lil’ Girl…. I miss you so much it hurts inside. I feel an emptiness with you gone and I wish I could have you with me right now. I have had a broken heart since yesterday. The rain today is terrible because I know you loved the sunshine anywhere you could find it. I just want to soak up the sun, the way you did.
Please know I spent all my time mourning your loss, mourning our time together, mourning our connection in life. I want to see you now. I want to be in heaven with you and hold you again. I felt the world against us because you couldn’t be cured of what was growing inside you. I wish I could have paid to take care of everything, paid thousands of dollars to make you whole… but I don’t know if you would still be here.
Please know that this was in no way a punishment for anything you did. Please know it wasn’t a selfish move to get rid of you. I fought with the doctor that you were still young and it wasn’t possible that you should go. You will never be forgotten, you will always be a part of our little family.
Your independent spirit is walking around heaven right now sniffing and leaving your scent everywhere other dogs did. Please wait for me up there…. Please don’t forget me; because I will never forget you. Please show me your presence every once in a while, anywhere, anytime. I will miss you forever, until I see you again. My heaven will be with you in it, will be with us together again.
Show me what I need to do, what I need to learn from this. I prayed to my guardian angel that they show you the love that I would and that you know I am so alone without you. But you just were so sick, you were dying slowly, but you had a mission to stay alive. I did all I could do to help you, and protect others from you. Just like any song for family that dies, I feel the pain of those songs and just want to hold you once more.
I held you yesterday before you passed and made a promise that I would always love you. I promised everything would be ok and I pray that it is. I know my father spoke to me not too long ago to let me know everything would be ok, and I prayed to my guardian angel for a long time asking for it to be ok. I am down here right now, but will be with you soon… Someday.
Kia, my Lil’ Girl, I will love you forever. I know you went through a lot here on earth but I hope you felt some love for life while you were with us. I know walks were so important to you and I wish I did more of them with you, but I pray that I did enough to give you some happiness here on earth. If I ever get a second chance with you, I will do 1,000 times better, I will put aside myself and try to focus on your happiness. You are a very special dog that I will remember always. Please don’t ever fear I will forget you because I won’t. I love you too much to forget you.
I love you. Until we meet again.
Your Mama Karen