My baby girl Twix
In loving memory of our Twix who we love so much.
My dear, precious girl Twix,
I haven’t even started to write yet and I can feel my eyes start to flood with tears. Tears that represent sadness, emptiness, loneliness and a heart that is completely shattered.
You entered this world on May 15, 1995, and you left quietly on March 17, 2007.
You came into my life on November 20, 1996 and you were from day one, the one constant thing I knew I could count on. You were my very best friend from the first day I got you. Do you remember that day? You were in the “To Give Away” adds in the paper. You were the very first dog (how dare I call you a “dog” I know...sorry baby girl.) I called and the last. The day I brought you home, we stopped at a rest area, because I wanted to see if you had to go potty. I had you on a leash, but you never left my side. In all the years that I had you, you never left my side, and never required a leash. Where I was, you were, right there at my feet. I stepped on something in the laundry room the other day, and said “I am so sorry Twix”, then I realized it was not you, because you are not here anymore. I dropped to my knees and cried at the remembrance of you and the hole in my heart and my soul.
The only place that I went that you did not go, was work. Even then, I did bring you a few times. I lied....I guess during the hot summer months, you did not go to town with me, only because if I had shopping to do, it was too hot to leave you in the car, so you stayed at home. Yes, you were mad at first, and you snubbed me for it, but within 15 minutes after I got home and held you on my lap, you forgave me and smiled at me and gave me kisses. I loved your kisses and I miss them so much.
Everybody loved you Twix. There isn’t a person around who did not like you. You were so well behaved, so well mannered it amazed me. You always gave it your best to please me, you tried way harder than you ever had to. You, your love, your loyalty and your companionship pleased me more than you will ever know.
For a long time, it was just you and I. You have been there for me when no one else has been. When I lost my Aunt Hazel, you were there right by my side. You would come sit on my lap, and put your head on my chest just to let me know you felt my pain and my sadness and to let me know you cared. You got me through what nobody else could.
Do you remember the song I used to sing to you?
I love you,
You love me,
We’re our only family.
Till the Good Lord brings us a man of our own...
You and I will be alone.
We were too, we were alone together for quite a long time, before we met daddy, huh? Oh, Twix how he loved you too. There isn’t anything that he would not have done for you either.
Do you remember the day we brought home that yellow 4-legged bundle of pure love and joy that we named Jenny? That rambunctious lab that she is. “She is your sisser” we told you. (We say sisser instead of sister.) You were not too sure about her at first, but then you and her became inseparable. She misses you so much. She lays under the computer desk where you used to sleep. She has cried. I have seen the tears in her eyes. She still looks for you. When we go bye-bye she still runs around the driveway, waiting for you to chase her and bark at her. She is quite bigger than you, but she was always gentle with you and she knew you were the boss and she respected that! You used to love to chase her around our yard, chase her and bark. She loved it too. She is quite lonely without you too. She is sad, and that breaks my heart.
Remember the hair cuts we would take you in to get for the summer? You hated going there, but you always felt so much better when we come out. Especially when we were out fishing, you were much cooler. In the winter, you loved rolling in the snow and “rooting” it up with your nose. You had the best personality ever. I knew when you were mad at me, you let me know it. But you never stayed mad for more than 15 minutes. Just long enough for me to know better.
I taught you so many tricks. Sit, speak, shake, shake other hand, roll over, but the one trick that you refused to do was fetch. I would throw the ball and you would give me the look “if you want it, you go get it” I loved that look. You refused to fetch. I always got a kick out of that.
Remember Daddy calling you “Stubby”? He thought that was the perfect name for you. I used to call you Twixer-Lixer Girl Dawg or Punkin-Pie Girl Dawg. My favorite thing to call you was my very best friend. You always had a smile on your face at all times, unless you were mad at me.
I loved how when you were outside and wanted in, you would bark. I would hide, and someone would let you in, and you would search and search the entire house looking for me. That always made me feel loved and special. You would find me and bark and wiggle and strut. You were a little overweight and daddy used to say you “struddled” a combination of strutted and waddled. You struddled. And you did too and with your bushy tail high in the air. It was the cutest thing.
Every day with you was a blessing, a joy and my pleasure. Being your mommy is the best thing I have ever done. I loved you with all that I had. When friends of mine lost their pets, I grieved with them and I thought of the day that I would lose you and I would cry. I had to quickly get that thought of out my head because it would upset me so much. I always hoped that when it was your time, you would die from being old and natural causes. I did not want you to be sick and suffer. I was mad and probably still am mad at God. I feel that you had a couple more good years ahead of you. I was not ready to say goodbye to you, but then again, I never would be. Who wants to say goodbye to someone so loving, so kind, so trusting, so giving? Not me. Twix, I love you and I miss you more each day.
You got sick and within a matter of two weeks, you were gone. Saturday, March 3, we were headed to gramma’s house for her birthday and you got a bloody nose. You sneezed and blood would come gushing out. It finally stopped. Later that night when we went to bed, you had a mild seizure and you scared me and daddy and Jenny. You were crying out and you got real stiff for a few minutes. I thought you had a stroke and were paralyzed. I sat on the floor and called you over to me, you finally came. So I knew you were not paralyzed. I called your vet and left a message. They called me back and I brought you in. They said you had a blood clot in your sinuses, but not sure from what. They gave you some meds and kept you for the day and you got better. I came and saw you on my lunch hour, and took you outside and you seemed back to yourself. I thanked God for that. On Wednesday of that week, you got another bloody nose and could not hardly breath. So we went back to the doctor. I carried you in and set you on the counter. You looked up at me and put your head on my chest and looked into my eyes. I could see the pain and sadness in your eyes. I knew something was not right with you. This time a specialist came and saw you. I was told you were going into heart failure and you also had kidney failure. One alone is fatal, and you had both. You started not to eat. I got you some popcorn chicken and you did eat that. You also did eat some vanilla ice cream at times, but that was it. The next week, you spent Tuesday and Wednesday night at the specialist’s office. He was trying to get your heart and kidneys back working. He would not let me see you Tuesday, but I came Wednesday after work and spent an hour with you. It broke my heart to see you hooked up to an IV, the needle in your short, stubby front right leg. You were part Sheltie, part Dachshund. You looked like Lassie, but you had short, stubby legs. You were the cutest thing ever. God how I miss you.
I got to bring you home on Thursday night, March 15. I carried you inside. You were so weak, you could hardly walk. I slept downstairs on the couch so you would not have to worry about the stairs up to our room. You slept right by me on the floor where you always laid. I took you to gramma’s house on Friday, so she could watch you while I was at work. Daddy picked you up Friday night and took you home. When I got home I laid on the floor with you. You were so sad looking. You could not stand up well. It was as if your back end was paralyzed. You would stand up and fall right back down again. It broke my heart to see my spunky girl struggle the way you did. I laid beside you and told you that it was ok if you wanted to go. I told you if you did not want to fight it, that it was ok. I knew that if you did not get better over the weekend, I would have to take you in and have you put to sleep. I always promised you that I would not let you suffer. I begged God that if He was going to take you to please do it so that I would not have to make that decision. He listened.
Saturday morning, daddy had to go to work for a couple hours. You were over in the kitchen trying to get into the livingroom by the couch where I was. Daddy picked you up and carried you to me. He told you goodbye, he told me that he knew you would not make it through the day. He told you he loved you and that you were a good ol’ dirl dawg, we always called you that. Daddy also told me he cried, something daddy doesn’t normally do.
At 8:15 that morning, you coughed and threw up a little. I wiped your mouth off, and gave you a little bit of water to rinse your mouth out. I told you I loved you and it was ok, your ok. I petted your soft fur for a few minutes, and sat back down. About 15 minutes later, I had not heard your tags jingle, or you breathing, so with hesitation, I looked down and you were gone. I knew from the moment I saw you, that you were gone. I screamed and I cried. I laid with you for over an hour telling you I love you over and over. I closed your eyes and just held you. Jenny was scared, the kids were crying. I was a mess. I still am. Daddy came right home and we took you in to the vet’s office to have you cremated. On the way to town the song “I will remember you, will you remember me” played we were all crying. I held you on my lap for that 20 mile trip to town. I had you wrapped up in a blanket and just petted your face. You had a line on each side of your eyes that resembled sunglasses, I always loved that. I just rubbed your precious face and sobbed.
When I got your remains back, I could not believe that’s all I had left you of. Just a tiny box full of ashes. Where was my baby? Why is she gone? How do I go on without her? These are just a few questions I have.
Right now, you are sitting on my night stand with a picture and your collar around your urn. Also are your two favorite toys I got from your previous owner. Your little yellow rubber ducky, and your little white bear. When I die, you, your collar, the ducky and the bear will all be buried with me.
Twix, I miss you so much. My heart aches everyday. I feel so empty and so lost without you. You are not there to greet me when I get home from work. Even when it was 30 below, you sat outside on the sidewalk waiting for me. I don’t hear your tags jingle around the house, I look for you, you are not there. I reach out for you at night, you are not there. To say the words “Twix died” literally makes me sick. It hurts so much. I know you would not want me to be this sad, but how do I say goodbye and let go?
On March 17, 2007, my baby girl died and so did a part of me. I love you so much and I miss you badly.
Twix will be greatly missed and be in our hearts forever.